The other day I was having a conversation with a friend of mine Fiskani. We got on the subject of HIV/AIDS and he said he feels bad when he sees elder women in their 40s and 50s who are infected by their husbands. He said these men infect their wives after having affairs with younger women. That at that age a man cannot go into the pharmacy to buy condoms and that they grew up in an era where condom use was not practiced. All this then got me thinking about all the campaigns for condoms that focused on the youth and not focused on older generations. Yesterday, I met my friend Stanlely, who is a clinician and also studied mental health, and I told him of the conversation I had with Fiskani and he agreed that it is very rare to see an older man going to buy condoms. He told me that he was once involved in a study which involved collecting data from prostitutes. The prostitutes said that older men always prefer not to use condoms as opposed to the younger men who mostly preferred to use condoms.
They also said that the older men preferred to take the prostitutes home or to a lodge whereas with the younger men they were only together for a short time. Then I started thinking of the stories I’ve heard in salons, when at the salon you meet a lot of interesting people and hear interesting conversations. There was a girl who had to be in her early 20’s telling the hairstylist about her married boyfriend who has built her a house that she is staying in. She talked of how the man loves his wife so much that whenever the woman calls she has to be quiet and let the man talk so that the wife doesn’t suspect anything. It is obvious that these two do not use condoms and the man has built her this house as payment for never having to use condoms with her. This has taken away the power for this girl to put her foot down and demand condom use, she fears he can take the house back. Anyhow let’s call this girl Amber; Amber also has a boyfriend her age who is a student at Chancellor College in Zomba.
When she talked about the college boyfriend she laughs about how she uses him. She said whenever she wants money all she has to do is call him and he will beg his parents for money and their vehicle so that he runs coming with the money. So this means that with this college boyfriend she has more power and can demand condom use. But if she does not demand it he won’t ask for it, meaning they will be having unprotected sex just like she does with her married boyfriend. So you are probably now wondering where I am getting at with all this. Where I’m getting to is that there is a missed group that should be targeted for condom use as well as behavior change. This group is very dangerous because they are very powerful. Powerful in terms of bargaining power, they can buy you a car in return for a sexual relationship with no condom use, they can buy you a plot or house taking away your power to demand condom use.
A lot of young girls are falling prey to this and in turn transmitting HIV to the boyfriends of their age who in turn transmit to other girls their age as well. With this cycle it is very difficult to control and minimize the spread of HIV. So in a society where talking about sex is still a taboo and where it is almost impossible to talk to the men aged 40+ about condoms. How do you go about talking to them about condoms and behavior change when the culture basically protects them and backs their actions.
