It is always the perfect moment to ask myself… am I useful? Have I been useful? Do you believe you have been beneficial? Have I been able to inspire or ever inspired anyone? Has my community and all that surrounds benefited from me? How many have I wronged unknowingly in my pursuit of life and feats? Will I be forgiven? How can I know to make things better? Have I really been able to leave even a little bit of small change to the communities I served? Have I made it even worse from the expectations of my predecessors? There so many endless questions that go into my world as this fellowship draws to an end…. I am not even worried about my new journey yet- I am more worried if I have met the expectations of the people who put their trust in me to offer me this privileged opportunity… I greatly listen and admire the achievement changes of other fellows and have to ask myself, What achievement or change have I made for my community this year?
When I first saw the advert of this fellowship and in frustration and decided to check it out myself- I was amazingly taken back- Wait a minute? Is this real? I have a chance to work to in the health sector despite my qualifications? My longtime dream of working in the health sector was realised at that moment… I excitedly checked the positions and oh my was my current position exactly fitting my 5 year skill set and training. Was I ready to be put to more in depth work? Folding my sleeves and ready to dig in, I was more than confident at that moment that I would really win my position given its a small but rapidly growing sector in Uganda- I would preach to my friends that later that year I would work for that organisation, pointing at the IDI building wherever I had a chance to be in Mulago: “Oh I am excited to change so many things in there, let them watch out for me- hehehe “. This confidence was so embedded in me even way before hearing from the first application round. But like it is said, once you believe in yourself and in something you want along with sleeping,dreaming and talking about it, you are more likely to get it, and I encourage this confidence in people who share with me their fears and indeed its great proof (at the same time that I am very humbled) that I am here. I won the fellowship and position.
Its been a long and at the same time very short journey during this fellowship year and I will always cherish the people and memories I have had along this journey of my life…I came thinking I would create a big change and learn maybe a little bit, BUT I have gotten to learn more and be changed. At this point of my exit its the opposite of my entry- I anguish, if even I have been able to be of much benefit to the people who gave me the chance and opportunity to serve my community and contribute to a global level (its the small changes we do in our communities that result in the global change we want…it won’t happen magically!). Have I been able to contribute to the wellness of that single mother and her family? Will I have the chance again to see those 2 little twins happy with their hearing? Has that lonely woman seated alone in a corner waiting for a counsellor been able to benefit from my work and perhaps one day she will be smiling and surrounded by people? Will the ICT platforms last to continously re-engage the health workers in their skillsets in maintenance that they are able to provide even services to the communities we all serve?
My chest is heavy with this trepidation with so many questions at the same time filled with so much gratitude and learning attained. As I leave, (knowing at some point one has to leave), I leave with more comfort knowing if I make smooth transition to my successor he/she will achieve even more, and together as a GHC, like a spider cobweb spreading in more countries, we shall one day reach the world of justice and health equity we all fight for and want to achieve…