Prior to becoming a fellow for Global Health Corps, after waking up and walking to work every morning, and before I am able to sit down or get the morning hand off, someone (always a woman) would call out for my help. “Doctor!” she shouts, “Please attend to me, I came in this morning and the nurse just examined me once and told me I am still a long way- please help me!” The first thing I say is, “I am also nurse, by the way- how may I help?” I quickly get into my labor ward attire and the work starts. I don’t sit down until I realize its past 2pm. “What- 2pm! I haven’t had lunch yet!” And there are still more patients to attend to and they are all in labor. Some are in advanced labor, while others, well… they could wait a while. What do I do? They need to be attended to somehow. This is just part of one of my days at my old job. I kind of got used to it, and I loved it.
Now it’s different. Sometimes I feel it is too different. Instead of providing care like I used to, I supervise someone else giving the care, someone with no nursing or medical qualification. And its just part of the care that they provide along with Health Education and counseling, and of course, documentation of whatever they are doing. That’s all! I understand that this is all they can do, according to their level of education and training, but is it the most that I can do? Of course not! I know I can do a lot more.
“Am I at the right place, and doing the right thing?” I ask myself. Doesn’t the labor ward need me more than this place, where I sit down and watch these people give health education and counseling?. This is all I am doing right now. I know it will get better at some point and I am told this almost every day, but is it going to be enough impact or significance whatever I will be doing? Or am I much needed at my old job? There are all these questions running in my mind now and again.
I am currently working with an organization that addresses uptake of PMTCT (preventing mother to child transmission) services by HIV-positive pregnant or lactating mothers. Can anyone see what role I am playing in these clients’ lives, or am I just helping the organization exist? Or is it just the part of the transition period and my changed role that’s getting at me? Well I hope it is, because I know for sure that I want to be the positive change that my country needs if we are to ensure health equity. I hope what I am doing and will be doing for the rest of the fellowship year will be significant for this need. It is the significance and purpose of what I do that got me to apply for this fellowship anyways, and I want to start feeling that I am doing the right thing as soon as possible or I will definitely breakdown, burn out or something. Is it fair of me to feel this way at all?