I served this year as a guidance and counseling officer for a Christian organization that looked after orphaned and vulnerable children. Serving in that role gave me an opportunity to see firsthand the deep hurt and devastation that fatherlessness brings to a child’s life. I had the greatest chance and opportunity to read and hear them tell their stories. Some among the children I mentored and counseled were either double or single orphans coming from broken homes. I recall one child who had to abandon his parent’s homestead as a result of the ruthlessness of his dad after marrying a second woman. This drove him to drug abuse and drinking. He was not understood among his teachers and peers. He was deemed a notorious kid with no manners, yet little did any of the people around him understand what he was going through.
Our places today are full of men and women who have lived recklessly after being abandoned by their fathers, wounded by the men who should have loved them the most. Many of these children follow the same pattern of irresponsibility as their fathers. So many mothers have made sacrifices for their children’s survival, bearing a burden that should never be carried single handedly. I recall this line from the movie, “Courageous”:
Research is proving that a child also desperately needs a dad. There is no error in this fact. We have many dads but not fathers who should be crucial in the life of a child. To courageously step up and do whatever it takes to be involved in the lives of these children. Not only provide for them, but to walk with them in their young lives. Become a visual representation of the character of God. We should model them to walk with integrity. As a father you are accountable to God for the position of influence He has given you. Men should be teachers, protectors and providers to their families.
Another kid bemoaned how one of her aunt’s boyfriends (for the aunt had many to help sustain the family) raped her. “He just didn’t take my innocence, he took my hope,” she remarked. I vividly recall thinking, as she narrated her story, that no doubt after this 16-year-old girl had her innocence taken by her aunt’s boyfriend, the world never looked the same ever again. There are a lot of such kids out there who have kept their silence for fear of their oppressors, most of whom happen to be their close relatives. Every day of their lives, these children live in great fear and have come to believe that somebody owes them for every day of misery they experience.
We have seen a society full of innocent young boys and girls, some from these very disadvantaged backgrounds, being drawn into undesirable lives that later become a path to total future destruction. We see pupils in urban areas sneak out of school and class to go drink at nearby taverns or bars, disregarding the school authorities and sometimes with full knowledge of their guardians (see one story here). I remember such occurrences during my high school days, when my peers showed their capacity for drinking and I (being one of the tiniest and smallest) showed mine for God, morals and outstanding academic excellence; I must admit though that if you wanted to see the dull me in those days, you just had to say “but your girlfriend” and I would become quiet and upset. I still marvel at the respect and recognition I receive to date. Often it is the students who recognize their teachers on sight due to the good or bad character for which they remember them. However, in my case it’s different; often my teachers will recognize me first, including some who never taught me, yet still recall my name.
That feat makes me a proud individual, but what drove this passion in me, one might ask? For me it was a life changing moment. I give credit to my parents, as they never put limitations on me. If you meet life’s challenges with an “I think I can” attitude as Tom Dempsey did, you have a huge head start over those who are afraid of failure. In my tribe, there is a proverb that goes, alailwa mwana wamung’anda, mwana wamunha atelele, interpreted as, where the king is giving counsel/advice to the prince, let the slave son listen too. Many times we receive counsel and advice not from our parents, guardians or those we live close to, but instead when we are traveling and hear people discussing amongst themselves. So where is the child who will look to the future with admiration and even smile while alone? Where is the child who will dare to dream even without a loving father or mother around? There have been so many motherless and fatherless people who became greats, such as Bill Clinton, Abe Lincoln and Fredrick Chiluba, among others. If there is anything that the life of Frederick Chiluba should teach us, it is the fact that, regardless of our background or limitations, destiny does not misguide those who work hard. The story of FJT Chiluba is a story of how a man in our time lived to overcome his limitations and soared to lead the nation from dictatorship to democracy.
Clearly as shown above, Chiluba had no rich family history. In death, his father still remains as mysterious as when he was alive. His place of birth is still subject to speculation. The fact that, as a young boy, Chiluba was expelled from a Kawambwa School also shows the kind of limitations that he faced growing up. In a society that looks down upon people of small height, it is clear that his size too could have contributed to his situation. But the story of Chiluba is a story of inspiration, for as Zig Ziglar puts it: “It’s not your situation but what you make of that situation which determines what you will accomplish with your life.”