By Esnatt Gondwe
My brother in-law recently shared this quote with me:
“Hope is not the conviction that something will end well, but that it makes sense, no matter how it ends.”– Vaclav Havel
When I read this quote, it made me think about my fellowship year. Before starting the fellowship I didn’t know what to expect. I entered the fellowship year with hope, faith, and excitement, but each of these emotions has been challenged over the course of these first six months. My hope was challenged by the question of whether the health care system in Malawi will ever evolve; my faith was challenged when I was exposed to darker sides of people and the complexities of working with them, and my excitement was challenged by high ranking individuals who found it hard to accommodate innovation and creativity. Throughout the first six months I had hope that all the challenges we faced would be resolved, and they were. But hope should not only end at the belief that challenges will be resolved, it should transcend to the understanding that even if the resolution does not happen in the way we had hoped, it is still the best possible outcome.
I like to control situations. It gives me a sense of security. Every day I learn that control stops you from growing in hope, because it forces you to put conditions around how a situation should evolve, whereas hope requires you to be more flexible. There are certain things I can change today, and there are certain things that will have to be taken on by someone else. Control pushes me to want to do it all, but hope provides me with the knowledge that I can’t do everything, and that someday resolutions will come even if I am not directly involved.
We were recently coordinating a fundraising drive for Bwalila Hospital’s Maternity Ward- a very busy, underserved, community hospital in Malawi. We were able to raise money for some items, but while we were placing an order for mattresses, it hit me that there would not be enough matresses for all the women in the maternity ward. This realization filled me with a great sense of sadness and failure.
I forgot the victory of being able to get some money to buy items for the hospital, and focused on the fact that it didn’t cover all the needs. I have now learnt that it is necessary to look at what needs to be done, but it is essential to accompany that with looking at what has already been achieved.
We are currently in the processes of writing a proposal for a partner organization that has shown interest to provide the hospital with a grant to cover the remaining needs after the fundraising drive. This may or may not work out, but I have realized that I do not have control over the outcome. I can assist and play a key role, but I cannot guarantee the end result. What I can guarantee however, is that in all the work I do this year, I will give my all, and that will be enough.
We can all collectively strive to carry hope for the future- hope that everything will work out, and hope that however it works out will make sense and will be for the best!
