“Do it afraid.” is a phrase my Mother and I have said to each other over the last few years at various junctions in our lives. It has come in handy a couple of times. This past week was no exception.
When deciding whether or not to travel clear across Uganda and back, by myself, in matter of five days to conduct eight trainings to 130 adolescents – I asked myself the following questions:
- What if in my 24 hour journey (round trip) clear across Uganda and back by myself something happens to me?
- What if I successfully make the journey but the sessions I conduct don’t change any adolescent minds about domestic violence or gender equality?
- What if my sessions on such sensitive issues get out of control and end of up with bunch of yelling and crying young impressionable souls?
- What if despite my best efforts I have not been as culturally sensitive as I thought and end up offending students and making myself look ill-informed and inconsiderate?
Despite that these fears felt legitimate, I decided – Do it afraid!
So, in two days I paired down MIFUMI’s (my placement organization) 16 week course into two one hour sessions, one on gender equality and one on domestic violence prevention and I was off to Bushenyi, Western Uganda! Each fear would be confronted.
Fear of not getting across the country in time and in one piece. Considering a serious backache was more guaranteed than arriving in Bushseyni by night fall this was something worth considering.
Do it afraid!
I have to admit I questioned my decision to make the journey during the third and final leg of my trip to the camp. Ten hours plus into my journey, I found myself sharing the front seat of a small car with an old man and child. Granted, I consider myself a flexible person figuratively and literally but this was absurd!
After ten minutes into the ride, two things happened – one, the old man and I were chatting like good friends and two, I lost all feeling of my left foot. From the old man, I learned more about soil erosion in a 40 minute drive than I thought I would in a lifetime. By the time I arrived to the youth camp I had a new friend, new knowledge and a sleeping foot. Luckily there was no permanent damage and only a friend gained!
Fear of teaching highly sensitive subjects (gender equality and domestic violence) to 130 youths (boys and girls together) over two days in eight sessions without any major upsets. Oh and simultaneously try to get them think and change their behavior to be embody healthy male/female relationships. Gulp!
Do it afraid!
I was told last year’s gender equality and domestic violence sessions had gone so poorly that they were considering dropping the subject matter – hence why I was brought in as the “expert” – double gulp! Luckily despite the speed with which I had to prepare the sessions, I was glad I had a couple hours in the morning before my first session to review and make some adjustments – or so I thought! As I sipped my morning coffee, the camp director asked me “Ready for today?” I confidently stated “Sure thing. But I am glad I have some time to finish these flip chart sheets.” “Well if by time you mean five minutes, then yes. The kids are walking up from the morning welcome right now.” Me, “Alrighty then, chalkboard it is!” I was laughing externally and freaking out internally!
Truth be told, despite my fear I knew I had experience in both subject matters and was well prepared. I decided I had no other option than to trust myself and do it afraid! As the kids streamed into the class I plastered a huge smile on my face and hid my fear of failing under my grin.
Before I knew it the first four sessions were finished and day one was over! I had a general sense that things had gone well, all potential upsets had been successfully redirected. I was so happy to hear from counselors that their campers were talking about gender equality and domestic violence in the evenings after dinner in their bunks. I even had a couple campers ask for private time to discuss their own personal experiences or questions. Overall, the sessions were successful. The curriculum has been passed on to the camp’s coordinators to ensure that the sessions remain a part of the camp going forward.
The last test of my Mother’s catch phrase was tested in a nothing but a breakdance circle!
Fear of falling on my butt in a crowd of people!
Do it afraid!
When working with youth it is important to be a role model. Ironically, this requires making a fool of yourself sometimes. Adolescents are so worried about looking cool all the time that it is important to show them that it is not the worst thing in the world to look a little silly in public. The camp was lucky enough to have a great group, Breakdance Project Uganda, participate in the camp. During an outdoor session the camp split into small circles and watched (and was supposed to participate) in mini breakdance jam out. I have previously been known to pull out some of my old gymnastic moves to impress a small crowd but this was another level! My moves paled in comparison and I was certain I would fall on my butt in front of the talented group! From the sidelines I encouraged the campers to try their luck in the middle of the talent circle. They were not having it. If I didn’t, how could I tell them to? Just before I attempted to perform my comparatively lame skills I thought to myself “Darn it, I did not stretch and I have not done this in a year. I am going to hurt in the morning.”
A short running start then – round-off (fancy cartwheel), back walk over, spilt (180 degrees)!
Crowd cheers loudly! Roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Turns out… still got it! I may be still stretching days later but that is just between you and me. The kids now think I’m cool and were then willing to try out their moves!
Do it afraid!
Sometimes fear is legitimate. It can be your mind warning you this is in fact a BAD idea. But fear can also be wrong and keep you from experiencing what you would later remember as some of your favorite experiences.
Had I allowed my fear to keep me from participating in the camp, I never would have met Wilfred*, an inspiring 14 year old camper. Wilfred talked to me after class about his personal experiences and even his internal fear of becoming like his abusive father. He was committed to being a caring partner in his life and felt encouraged to do so after his camp experience.
Sometimes you know success would feel so good that the fear of failure sends you running. So, I ask you to instead harness the fear, let it drive you, and DO IT AFRAID!